A Hidden Life: Being Gay in Rural China
New America Media, News Feature, Rian Dundon, Interview and Translation by Lisa Sangoi, Posted: Nov 20, 2006
Editor's Note: Homosexuality has gained some acceptance in metropolitan cities like Shanghai and Beijing. But in rural China, as one young man explains, being gay is still a secret he must keep from his family. New America Media contributor Rian Dundon is a photographer working in China. More of his work can be seen at www.dunnflicks.com.
Xiao Wang fondles the Pisces charm draped around his neck as he drags on his cigarette. "I gave the same one to my boyfriend," he says as he smiles and leans back in his chair in his dorm room.
Wang, a 21-year-old college student in a large sprawling city in south central China, chats comfortably and confidently about his life, his sexuality and his doubts and hopes for the future. But back in his small rural hometown, he lives with the burden of a secret that he must, at least for now, keep from his family.
"I cannot tell them," he explains. "My life, my money, my school -- it is all from my family. I have no job. My father gives me everything. When I get a job and can live on my own, then, I think I must tell them. I want to tell them."
Xiao Wang waits for his friends in McDonalds. He cannot, however, afford to eat there himself.
The Chinese government estimates that there are 30 million gay men and women in China today. The prestigious Fudan University in Shanghai held China's first academic course in homosexuality last year, signaling the beginning of acceptance from both the Chinese government and China's major urban areas. But head into the countryside or smaller provincial cities, and the term "gay" is met with either disgust or denial. Many people simply claim that homosexuality does not exist in China, or that it is a product of Western influence.
Wang says he has known he was gay since he was a boy, learning about his sexuality first from books and then later the Internet. He never told anyone in his small rural hometown in Henan province, and embraced his first chance to escape to college and city life. As is the custom in the countryside, his family chose one child to be educated while other siblings stayed at home. They sent Wang to study medicine at a school two provinces away.
New America Media has withheld Wang's real name upon his request.
At school, Wang is open about his sexuality and says he doesn't care whether his coworkers and employers know, though he avoids coming out to them. Wang knows that he is not accepted by society at large, but he resents the way other homosexuals hide their sexuality.
"I have no gay friends because they are different from me. They are always afraid others will know they are gay. My boyfriend is not afraid. In that he is the same as me."
Wang smiles every time he mentions his boyfriend, who is still in high school. His boyfriend's 60-hour school week means that the two only see each other infrequently and only on weekends. Despite this and the secret that they both keep from their families, Wang says they are in love.
On the weekends Wang can be found at one of this city's only gay bars, a secluded, windowless affair on the second floor of a shopping complex. If one didn't know better, it might be mistaken for one of the second-rate karaoke houses frequented by the city's working class.
But on weekends when the bar's stage show heats up, it becomes apparent that the bar caters to an altogether different crowd. Word-of-mouth attracts young and old men to the spacious converted theater where they gather around small tables, sipping tea and beer and chatting loudly. Loners sit in the shadows, taking long pulls on their endless cigarettes while scanning the crowd.
Tonight things have taken a decidedly erotic turn as scantily clad male dancers swing around poles and descend upon the crowd to dole out lap dances to sheepish patrons. At this point Wang cannot contain his enthusiasm. He is grinning ear to ear and adjusting his seat to get a better view.
On the whole the men here are polite and sober (most can't afford the beer). The tone is one of communal cordiality, not sexual perusal. As Wang explains, "I don't meet men in bars because the one you choose might be a bad one. Some of those bars have bad people in them."
Like many Chinese couples, Wang and his boyfriend met on a dating Web site.
"On the Internet we can get to know each other. If we like each other we will meet in life."
Xiao Wang watches T.V. in his dormitory.
Back in Wang's modest dorm room, he serves hot water and apologizes for not having any tea. Translated texts by Baudelaire and Schopenhauer sit beside his bed. Wang smiles knowingly and notes that they too were gay. Thick smoke from his cigarette stains the sterile blue walls of this hospital dormitory.
Wang opens a family photo album to show his rural upbringing and his smiling family. He leans back on the bed, speaking again of his family with a fondness that seems to put him at ease.
"Though my mother is a farmer, she is very liberal, not like my father who is a doctor and conservative. My mother was born liberal as I was born gay," he says.
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